Encourage your preteen to think

about consequences of decisions

As a parent, you’ve had more life experiences than your child. So it’s natural to tell your child what you’ve learned. But to your child, this is no more than a lecture. He tunes out.  Keep him engaged and involved.  Here are a couple of ideas to try:

• Role-play. Look for a situation where you can encourage your child to think about decisions and consequences. A news story involving middle or high school students could offer a good opportunity. Ask your child, “How do you think that happened?” After he answers, say, “I wonder what (the person involved) could have done instead?”

• Map it. This is a great way to help your child make choices. At the top of a piece of a paper, write one choice on the left, the other on the right. Starting with the left choice, pose a question to your child.

Write it down. Example: “Your choice here is to stay home from your friend’s party so you can finish your English paper. But suppose your friend gets angry.  How would you handle that?’’  Continue for several more questions and answers until your child gets a full understanding of the results of that choice. Then do the same thing with the choice on the right. Example: “Your choice is to go to the party. But then your paper isn’t finished. Now what do you do?” When you’ve done both sides, talk with your child about the results. Even if he doesn’t make the “right” choice, he is now aware of consequences because you helped him figure them out, not because you lectured him.

Source: Kenneth R. Ginsburg with Martha M. Jablow,

“But I’m Almost 13!” An Action Plan for Raising a Responsible

Adolescent, ISBN: 0-8092-9717-5 (Contemporary Books,

1-800-262-4729, www.mcgraw-hill.com).